To The Parents of International Students
Graduation Countdown
In 34 days, 7 hours, 36 minutes, 35 seconds and counting, my daughter’s senior high school year will come to it’s official end. I am nostalgic as I try to organize 18 years of Chloe’s pictures, awards, and accomplishments onto a 48″ X 36″ tri-fold board. I remember being at this award ceremony, or that choir concert, or cheering her on through volleyball season. Creating this graduation project juxtaposed my experience of Chloe’s academic career with what parents of international students experience. Meeting Joseph from Taiwan (East Asia’s Influence on my Life) gave me a new appreciation for my opportunities as a parent. I also gained a new appreciation for what his parents have done for him.
To Be There As Much As Possible
Parents of international students display sacrifice and courage in sending their children to another part of the world for their high school education. They aren’t in the bleachers cheering their children on at sporting events, they won’t see their son get to perform in the school musical, they can’t be there to hear their daughter’s brilliant saxophone solo at the fall band concert. They may be able to participate via FaceTime or Skype, but that’s as close as they can get. This is understood, expected, and accepted.
Could I do this? Could I send my 14 or 15 year old child to the other side of the world for schooling? I was talking to my next door neighbor and fellow mom about this very thing yesterday. We both gave an emphatic “No!” when I posed this hypothetical scenario. I’ve asked other American mothers and fathers this question too, and there has only been one affirmative response. Even that one was hedged with anxiety. Perhaps it is a part of some cultures to send children away for schooling in foreign countries if it’s financially viable, but I don’t think that makes it easier.
What Parents of International Students Face
International students are gone from their childhood homes 10 months out of every year. Birthdays and holidays are often celebrated long distance. The little ins and outs of daily life that I take for granted aren’t there. My routine question of, “How was your day?” and the accompanying answer from my children of, “Fine.” is absent for these parents and students.
Come to think of it, if my kids were abroad for school the backpack my son leaves in the walkway, the coat my daughter throws across the sofa, and the dirty clothes I’m always washing would be absent too. We might be on to something here! Except that my house was scrubbed clean and stayed that way for 2 weeks last summer when my children were visiting their cousins and grandparents. And I hated it.
Logistics, Logistics
The logistical hoops these students and their parents have to jump through are numerous too. Keeping the student visa in good order and not doing anything to violate it is paramount. I don’t have the room to write about the process of acquiring and maintaining a student visa, but you can visit the International Student website if you want to learn about it. The short version is, 1) get accepted into a school, 2) pay a fee and receive an I-20, 3) complete the F1 visa application, 4) schedule and attend an F1 visa interview, and 5) Receive F1 visa approval. All this takes place before the student leaves their country of origin. And I thought I had it hard when I had to fill out the yearly, required paperwork for my kids’ school.
There are also the financial logistics. All schooling must be paid for in advance. There are no monthly payments towards tuition. Any supplies the student needs for schooling must be paid for as well. Payments to the host family that houses the student are often made in monthly installments, however.
Which reminds me, someone else is taking care of these students in their parents’ stead. When these students get sick or injured, it’s the host families that take them to the doctors and nurture them through the illness or injury. For 10 months, another parent is seeing them everyday, experiencing the daily rhythms, standing in the gap.
Like Me, They Just Want What’s Best For Their Kid
Parents of international students have many reasons for sending their children to other countries for education. East Asian parents have particular reasons that I am only just learning about. Ultimately, however, it all boils down to parents simply wanting what is best for their child. That is a universal constant. Any parent worth their weight in salt (what a weird saying!) is always concerned about giving their child every advantage and a shot at a good life. I understand that completely because I have made my own sacrifices for this reason.
I admire and respect parents of international students. They live a life I’m not sure I could live, make sacrifices I’m not sure I could make. The decisions they make and situations they deal with are ones I never even knew existed until my eyes were opened to them. They don’t walk an easy path, but they do what they feel is best for their kids. The proof is in their actions and decisions.
I wish that I could help all of these parents. I know I can’t, but when I am given the opportunity going forward, I will do my part. If they can make the hard decision to send their child to my country to learn, I can do my part to help them in some small way. After all, we parents need to have each other’s backs no matter where we are on this big planet.
Discussion: Would you be able to send your teen-aged child to a foreign country for schooling? Why or why not?